McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

AITA for Asking My Gorgon Girlfriend to Clean Her Snake-Hairs Off the Floor?

Apologies Women Need to Make (Sorry, It’s True!)

The Belladonna Comedy

Everything This Guy Knows About Miscarriages

How to Make the Most of Soup Season (a 2022 Belladonna editors’ pick)

Clickbait Word Problems

Practical Course Requirements for Your English Degree

Points in Case

I’ll Carry All My Groceries Inside in One Trip, Even If It Kills Me (featured in the Greener Pastures Magic Monday roundup, Yapjaw newsletter, and A Newsletter of Humorous Writing, February 2023)

My Job Is Amazing Even Though My Boss Is A Bloodthirsty Hammerhead Shark

9 Amazing Vacation Destinations to Check Your Work Email

A Guide to Strong and Weak Passwords from Someone Who Definitely Didn’t Murder Her Husband

I Am Out of the Office–but Please Contact Me Anytime (Really, Anytime)

Things You Can Do After You’re Halfway Vaccinated

We Must Protect the Elderly from COVID-19 by Not Visiting Them, So That When This Pandemic Is Over, We Can Continue Not to Visit Them

Slackjaw

Coffee Shop Orders of Famous Writers

Did My Husband Just Break Every Bone in His Body, or Does He Have a Tiny Cold? (featured in the Greener Pastures Magic Monday roundup, January 2023)

I’m the $500 Gucci Baby Shoes on Your Friend’s Baby Registry, and It’s Time for You to Pay Up

This Is Your University Alumni Foundation, and We Will Aggressively Beg You for Money for the Rest of Your Life

I’m The $50 Hollister T-Shirt You Bought In Seventh Grade, And I Can’t Believe You Never Became Popular

I Absolutely Must Have This Conversation with You in This Public Restroom

Scary Halloween Costumes for Fiction Writers

I’m the $300 Fork on Your Friend’s Wedding Registry, and It Looks Like You’re Stuck with Me

Here’s How to Overcome Perfectionism–So You Better Not Screw It Up, Moron (featured in A Newsletter of Humorous Writing, April 2021)

Perfectly Good Reasons These Baby Names Are Off-Limits

Little Old Lady Comedy

Classic Children’s Songs Rewritten to Capture the Inconveniences of Adulthood

As a Man, I’ve Decided Women’s Pants Shouldn’t Have Pockets: A Business Meeting

Items to Buy at Walgreens to Hide the Fact that You’re Also Buying Tampons, You Dirty Female

7 Fun ‘n’ Flirty Dresses That Will Later Make People Say “No Wonder She Was Raped!”

Greener Pastures

The Taylor Swift Eras Tour Ticketmaster Drama, Retold in Taylor Swifties

Today’s Obituaries, Sponsored by Jimmy John’s

MuddyUm

If Nickelback Wrote “Photograph” in the Age of Social Media

Wry Times

Bachelor Party Stripper Cake Nutrition Facts

Ember Journal

The Life of Janie Mendoza

Flash Fiction Magazine

To the Girl Who Stole My Snack Pack Chocolate Pudding Cup on the School Bus on the First Day of Second Grade

The Bookends Review

That Awkward Moment When You Have to Cough during Class but You Try to Hold It In Because You’ve Already Coughed Once and Don’t Want to Draw More Attention to Yourself

Literary Yard

The Cherry Factory